Men's Health Magazine: I follow it on twitter and sometimes find some very interesting guidelines for living. I have decided there are 8 items on this list I have thrown out already, 4 items I never had, 10 items that are officially gone today and 3 items that should be gone by the end of this month.
There is one item I will never get away from, I am not telling anyone which one it is.
1. Your ability to cannonball a 12-ounce can of National Bohemian in 2.37 seconds.
2. That 333 MHz Pentium II dinosaur in your home office.
3. Your cynical, bitter, pessimistic, self-defeating, angry-young-man, screaming-at-the-raindrops, making-George-Costanza-look-like-Tony-Robbins-in-comparison attitude.
4. Your analog phone.
5. Those 9th, 10th, and 11th hours of sleep on Saturday morning. Instead, do 30 pushups, run 5 miles, wash and wax your car, and watch an hour of your new Three Stooges DVD. Now you can nap.
6. Whatever it is that's kept you from having a meaningful conversation with the most important person in your life for the past 3 months.
7. Those pants with the waistband that's 2 hopeful inches too small.
8. That subconscious (or is it?) tendency to push your kids to make up for your growing list of past failures.
9. Your equities broker. Awaken your inner control freak and go to fool.com to learn how to invest for yourself at a fraction of the cost.
10. Your habit of looking solemn and using phrases like "streetwise," "life's lessons," and "Mickey Rourkeian" when talking with a woman you've just met.
11. That jar of Grey Poupon in your glove compartment, "just in case."
12. Your urge to recount high-school, college, bachelor-party, and hunting stories for your friends' wives and girlfriends.
13. Your comic-book collection. Sell them all and buy a very-fine-to-near-mint Amazing Fantasy
15. Because boys collect. Men invest.
14. That third slice of pizza.
15. Your marriage, your children, your house . . . no, wait, what were we talking about?
16. Your college nickname. Especially if it's any of the following: "Booger," "Flounder," "Poopie," "Psycho," "The Hammer," or "Dime Bag."
17. Your need to show off the claw marks on your back.
18. The notion that you will ever be as commanding as Sean Connery, as smoldering as Russell Crowe, or as desired as Brad Pitt.
19. Your 6-foot water bong with the R. Crumb decals.
20. That big black mole with the hair in it.
21. The keys to her apartment. Don't bother calling. She's already gone.
22. Your disdain for the "coughing thing" that has prevented you from getting a physical for the past 8 years.
23. Those last three playground rules you've been clinging to: crossing your fingers on a promise, the triple dog dare, and never picking a girl for your team.
24. Your habit of unconsciously feeling your biceps. Trust us. They're still there.
25. The idea that life is over when you fail. Because it's really just begun again.
26. Your nesting instinct.
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