FROM @TIME ON TWITTERMy family has been wrestling with Mom’s condition for years. We’ve made some mistakes, but we’ve also done some things right. Along the way, we’ve gained some wisdom about caring for an aging parent.
•Prepare in advance. Most of the time, the problems associated with aging don’t come on all at once. Your mother or father will gradually lose the ability to function. When this starts to happen, take action. Don’t wait until the last minute. Encourage your parents to have their wills drafted. Get a power of attorney so that you can make decisions, if needed. Create a master document with a list of important accounts, account numbers, and passwords. It only takes a little work to gather these things when your parents are healthy, and they can save a lot of headache later on.
•Define roles and share the load. It’s easy for one person to become resentful if she thinks she’s doing all of the work. At the same time, not everyone can (or should) help in the same way. My youngest brother has a terrific bedside manner, and did a great job of organizing Mom’s many medications and setting up a system to help her remember to take them. My other brother does a good job of making sure the routine chores are taken care of. I’m good at dealing with the Big Picture: talking with doctors and taking care of legal stuff. If your family works together to draw on each person’s strengths, it’s easier to help your aging parent.
•Advocate loudly. Nobody cares more about your family’s situation than you do. Sure, there’ll be some doctors and social workers and other folks who are helpful, but ultimately you’re just a part of their job. If you need something, ask for it. If something seems wrong, speak up. Don’t be a jerk, but be assertive. If you don’t push for what your family needs, you’re probably not going to get it.
•Dig deep for resources. No matter what your situation, there are resources to help. But you may have to spend hours — or days — looking until you find the help you need. Call city, county, and state agencies. Check their websites. Even if you don’t want (or don’t qualify for) government help, these places can point you to private parties that can help.
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